I have often wondered what I want to do when I grow up, and if I will ever grow up. I find myself feeling disconnected, unable to focus and keep myself moving forward in one particular direction. I have a wealth of hobbies I enjoy and yet never move far enough in any of them to make them more than hobbies. I enjoy writing, yet I do not have a writing career. I enjoy photography yet I am not a professional photographer. The only arena in which I have maintained consistency is being a mother. Unfortunately, the power company does not accept love and praise as payment for the bill. I have considered many different avenues as I think about what direction I would like my life to take. Ultimately, I still feel lost in a fog. How do people decide their life path in college, high school?!?! How can they be so certain and focused on one area of life that it becomes a lifelong passion? I do not know this feeling outside of being a mom. How do I translate that into a successful career? As I mentioned, hugs, kisses and love do not pay the bills.
I once thought of becoming a realtor, as I love real estate, house hunting and helping people realize a life dream of home ownership. The amount of time needed to really have a good career turns me off to this option. My kids need me to be available and I find it difficult to juggle everything required of a successful realtor and still maintain the level of involvement in my children’s lives that I enjoy. Basically, there is more change required than I am comfortable with at this time in my life.
I thought of starting my own home daycare, since I have daycare experience and clearly love caregiving. That bubble burst when I thought of being at the mercy of other people’s schedules, and the impact to my daily routine. Again, more change required than I am willing to accommodate. I could go back to working in daycare, but I quite enjoy being home, and would like to work from a home base.
I have also explored the areas of photography, health coaching, and personal chef. I even thought about becoming a life coach. Can you feel the irony of that one?!
Freelance writing is the next option on my plate. I have been doing this off and on for a few years actually. I was more active a few years ago than now, because the one source I was writing for all but disappeared. Writing is a passion of mine, and has been for quite a while. I have thought of signing up for online writing workshops and such. The key word there being, “thought.” I have not, as of yet, followed through with this. Perhaps today will be the day I follow through. Freelance writing seems to have become a flooded market. In order to succeed one must really devote the time and patience to seeking out reputable sources of employment and fight the rat race to obtain decent writing jobs. This avenue has always seemed the most appealing to me, although I have not devoted the time and energy to really trying to make a go of things.
What empowers people to devote themselves in arena forever? Why do I not feel that drive in one particular direction that is so deep and powerful that I am willing to claw my way to the top regardless of what it takes? Do I not have that genetic disposition to succeed in a career? Do I have adult ADD? What is it, and how many others feel the same struggle as myself? Can those who are not struggling help those who are?
Answering all of the above questions is my search at the moment. I feel like I need a mentor, a guide.