Anxiety…Not This Bitch Again…



I saw this meme on Instagram and it spoke to me, it said, “Hey who has your license plate? And why do they get to drive a Mercedes? Bitch.” We all have some sort of #anxiety, well, most of us do. Some have found their inner zen to the infinite degree, and that is great, but me? I am this license plate. I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and complex #PTSD. Through a lifetime of trauma, bad relationships, and just plain ole life bullshit, this is where I am…and that is okay. Why is it okay? I say it is okay, because I am getting help, and right now that is where I am, and in the future I will be better….and it will be okay.

Dealing with these anxiety disorders on the regular is not easy, not fun, not a badge that says look at me, I have a mental disorder. No, you do not want anyone looking too closely at you. It makes you anxious. Anything, or nothing, can trigger a panic attack. I had one while waiting for my youngest in carpool last school year. It was awful. I wake from my crappy sleep often with either an anxiety attack or having had a horribly defined and vivid nightmare. Again, awful. It can hit anywhere, anytime. The thought of having an anxiety attack can trigger one. People, places, smells, anything that triggers a memory of a trauma, can trigger an attack. It becomes all consuming, to the point where it changes you as a person.

But don’t despair. Hope reigns eternal. I started therapy a few months ago, and things are looking up. My therapist has me working through a workbook, and doing daily exercises to manage my anxiety.  My daily anxiety is lessening, and the attacks are lessening in frequency. I am coming to a point where I feel hopeful, and can see a light at the end of the tunnel. And not the, head towards the light one when you die either. I have regained my hope. I am looking at my life and searching for ways in which I can grow, instead of looking at it and sighing in despair.

Anxiety can be a good thing though, in small doses. I tend to do my best work when I feel a slight bit of pressure to get it done. It fuels a drive inside that works positively, and that is something I want to keep, and fan that flame. So for anyone who suffers from anxiety, stay hopeful, no matter how hard. You can overcome those debilitating anxiety attacks. You can live a positive, peaceful life. I have hope, and if I can do it, you can do it…and I am hell bent on doing it.

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