On the Cusp….

Have you ever had that feeling that you are on the cusp of greatness? No, really? I have this feeling that comes and goes, mostly around times of great change. It feels like a rush, excitement, anxiety, fear, intensity. I feel as though I am on the verge of some huge, great breakthrough, but I just cannot quite navigate the path ahead.

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I am at that point right now. I feel as though the world is open to me, whatever direction I want to go. But then I look around and feel as though my obligations are obviously something to consider, not to mention I am not 22 anymore. At this point I second guess my thinking. Am I just becoming negative, or is it realistic? I want to do great things, but then, I do not know what these great things are yet. I am a great #mom, that I have going for me. I want to take my strengths and turn them into the greatest life I have ever known, work wise. But when you don’t know what you want to be when you grow up, it is kinda hard.

I cannot shake this feeling like there is more to life than what is going on now, and I am right on the other side of the door. I just cannot figure out how to open it. Maybe I am meant to break it down, but I feel as though there is a key somewhere that I am missing. I hate that feeling. My therapist would probably tell me to meditate on feeling complete, as though I am not missing anything, and have all the answers. And he would he correct. Soooo, I guess I will try that first.

Remember those parent/teacher conferences where the teacher said you (or your kid) were not working to their potential? That is me. I am not working to my potential….but I do not know in what direction I am meant to aim my potential. Plus, I still have insecurities about where my true potential lies. I work hard at whatever job I have, and always have. I want to feel passion, fire for what I do. I like my job, Virtual Assistant, but it is not where I am destined to be. It is a placeholder, for what, I do not know yet.

I love helping people, and I love children…but I got burned out on childcare long ago. Perhaps, after everything I have been through something in the advocacy realm for abused women and children. Hmmm. Social Services? Non-Profit? I don’t know. I suppose I have to have faith in the journey, and remind myself that I am where I am meant to be until I am meant to be somewhere else. Of course, that is easier said than done.

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