So the corporate job did not pan out. I was disappointed, greatly. I cried, quite a bit. I know I know, it’s a job. I guess I was looking at it as the greatest opportunity I have had in my life, career wise. It was that opportunity that would have changed our lives and reduced so much stress in my life. But, it is not meant to be. I took it hard. My oldest daughter took it hard. She is very concerned about money, and trying to reduce the amount of struggle we face. It is a great concern to me, and something I need to address.
Now what?!? I did not get the amazing job, that door closed. It took a week for them to tell me. I was certain I was all but a shoe-in. I mean, yes, I had my doubts, but I really had confidence. I have to let it go and move on. In the last week, I have picked up more virtual assistant clients, and started trying to write more, not that you would know that here. I have been working more on writing for therapy. Writing what may turn out to be a book, may not. I find myself going into self-preservation mode. I guess that is a normal reaction to this situation.
So now I circle the wagons. I regroup and focus on the work I have, instead of the work I do not have. It is difficult though, because the work I have pays so much less than the work I would have had. Can you see my obsessing, yeah, I know. Perhaps that job opportunity was but an obstacle put in my way, testing my devotion to my current career. Perhaps, I need to learn to have more faith in my abilities to create the income I desire in the career I have now. Maybe that is my lesson. I need to have more faith in myself to provide what I need, and stop looking to outside sources.
I had not thought about the situation like that, until about 30 seconds ago. Perhaps the path I started, IS the path I belong on. The job interview and the potential opportunity were merely a wrong turn in the corn maze of life. I lost my way for a moment, but now I am on the correct path. Honestly, I don’t know. I know I need to have faith in myself, in so many ways. I know I need to create a mindset of abundance, and positive energy flow. I struggle, as it seems every time I turn around something bad happens. I try to shake each of them off and keep moving. I try to inject humor into life and just keep it moving. Sometimes it is easy, and sometimes it is so hard I just fall apart.
I do not like feeling disjointed, and yet, I feel it often. Although, when I feel it most, I am drawn to self-preserving activities like yoga, meditation, and energy healing. So I guess I could be worse off. I could turn to food, drugs, alcohol, or some other self-destructive behavior. So it seems I do have some love for myself in there somewhere. I need to focus on that, growing my love from the inside out.