I took a quiz this morning to determine my archetype. An archetype is defined as a pattern of power. It describes your personality, and how you interact with others. It tells what you gain power from, and how you value yourself. My archetype is lover, and it could not BE more spot on if I had written a dissertation about my personality. I am creative, emotional, a caregiver. I put others’ feelings before my own. I am deeply loyal, value honesty, and can spot a lie a mile away. I love hard, deep, and easily. I am full of more passion than 10 Valentine’s Days. I am vulnerable to narcissists and psychotics, enter my 2 ex-husbands. Everything it said about me was spot on. Now, I know what you are thinking, so? What do I do with this information? What does anyone do with this information?
Understanding that I am not just some over-emotional mess of a woman, helps me feel a bit better about myself. Seeing these things written out, helps me recognize that what I have is a personality type, not necessarily a disorder….although I do have several of those, but that is another post. What I do is utilize this information to help guide me down the path I belong. I embrace it, long story short. I learn to take my personality and make it work for me, instead of raging against who I am as a person. I learn to love me right where I am. I accept behavior from other people that I would never tolerate from myself. I hold myself to a standard I would never impose on others. I punish myself for feeling too much, and for not being able to control my feelings.
Honestly, it is no wonder I do not sleep, and no wonder I am exhausted all the time. It is not easy being so self-loathing. It is like a full time job, with no pay, because that would be a positive. So I will spend some time today, probably too much time today, researching this archetype thing and determining what I can do to make it work for me. I was listening to a webinar yesterday on abundance, and she kept stressing that we need to determine how we can get paid to be ourselves.
I am engaging, social, and people love sharing their problems with me. I am charming and charismatic, and love to speak in public and have all eyes on me while truly feeling as though I am making a difference. I have been through so much trauma, I could speak on almost any topic at expert level. How do I turn that into getting paid to be me, to rid myself of my abundance blocks, and let the lover archetype I am flourish? How do I do that, and not sabotage my entire way of being out of self-loathing? Well, clearly I need to stop the self-loathing part. LOL. I am working on it….every moment of every day.
I need to love myself as much as I love others, or heck, even more.