No Amount of Coffee….

Pickles1Look here Mother Nature, Universe, whomever you think you are…I know it is Monday, but seriously, the amount of bull crap you have put in my way today is just too much. Having to take my 5 month old Great Dane/Lab puppy to the emergency vet this morning was bad enough, but all the additional crap is just icing on the shit cake. I will not stand (or sit) idly by and let you condemn another one of my weeks down the toilet. No ma’am. I have had enough.

This morning I walked the pup, and let him curl up with me on the couch for some snuggles. Nothing is better than some massive puppy snuggles, even if he does smell like a wet rat. No bother, he is too cute to care. I got up to go pee, and wake up my high schooler, whose alarm had clearly not gone off. In the 2 minutes, literally 2 minutes, I was gone, my adorable snuggle bug turned into the biggest frigging moron I know. When I came back he was eating something. Of course he was, he is a huge 5 month old puppy, it’s what they do. I shoved my hand in his drool soaked mouth. Good Monday morning to me!! The only thing I pulled out before he swallowed was a tiny piece of black avocado skin.

I immediately began to freak out, completely. I Google’d what to do if my dog eats an entire avocado. It’s not like I don’t know what to do, I just needed that backing by Google to legitimize my freak out. I was not disappointed. I then looked up the emergency vets in my area, and called one. The lady that answered should never work with dogs, or any animals, or people for that matter. She was nice, but she told me to just let him rest, and that he would probably vomit and/or have diarrhea. I asked her about the fear of the pit causing an obstruction. Do you know what this lady said?? Well sit down for this one. She then told me that HE SHOULD PASS THE PIT. I mean he is a Great Dane/Lab puppy, but ummm, I know physics, and this dog is not going to pass an avocado pit. So I hung up, and cursed her out in my head.

I then called the other emergency vet clinic. I explained what happened, and this time, the person who answered actually consulted a vet before advising me on what my options were. I liked them already. I was told I could bring him in, and they would induce vomiting, or I could wait, watch for symptoms of obstruction, and see what happened. Weighing the options, and the thinking of the idea of this turning into a dire emergency which would be impacted later in the day by having to pick up my kids, and blah blah blah….I took him in to induce vomiting. It is amazing to me how quickly that works.

So, my dog is in the back barking and puking, thank goodness I can only hear the barking. The tech comes out and informs me they see a lot of avocado skin, but no pit. Well FML. So now, they can do an xray, and see if the pit shows up, or I can take him home and wait it out. Well, weighing my options again, we proceed with the xray. I mean, I am here, he is already puking, I want to know before we leave if he is going to be okay. The xray shows nothing. No pit to be found. I call my teenage daughter, who is at home with my youngest until I can get back and take them both in to school late. She searches high and low, no pit. The pit is apparently the second coming of Harry Houdini, as it has disappeared.

The vet gives my puppy the shot to reverse the vomiting. He is ready to go home, and of course, as they are bringing him from the back he shoves his head in the trash can and tries to grab something out of the can….clearly he has not learned anything from this adventure. I wrestle him into the car, and yes, I mean wrestle, and we head home. I have to get everybody where they need to go, and I am desperately searching for this missing pit. I have to do my work for today, deal with the dogs, and all before I even had the opportunity to have a cup of coffee…or five. I have not even mentioned all the kid fires I have had to put out today. Seriously, 24 hours in one day is just not enough.

So I implore you, Mondays, just stop. Just give me some peace and quiet, for once. I know everyone hates you, but seriously, this kind of crap is why. If you would just not come through like a bull in a china shop, no one would mind Mondays. I mean, I like my job, so I don’t mind that it is the start of the work week. I have no beef with you, unless you pull shit like today. Then we have problems.

 

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Just An IV Please….

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This could not be any truer today, and I have one phat ass. I have been up since 2:10am ET, which was 4 hours and 9 minutes ago. My dog woke me up because he had to go potty. We have this pup who is half Great Dane, and he has a really sensitive tummy. Apparently, the organic peanut butter I bought is too oily for his belly. He had some in his Kong last night, and VOILA, up at 2 am to poop. UGH. So I get him outside, relieved, clean it up, and back inside. He goes right back to sleep, lucky bastard. I am not quite so lucky.

I did eventually fall back asleep, sometime after 3:30am, only to be woken 12 minutes later by my 6 year old wanting to crawl in bed with me and snuggle. It was fine though, because I had fallen just deep enough into dreamland to be in the middle of a disturbing nightmare about my ex, thank you Complex-PTSD. My 6 year old waking me up was actually a relief, because I did not like where that dream was going. Especially since the dream started with my ex having a psychotic episode, and then trying to convince me he was going to get me back….I am still unsure how he meant that in the dream, get me back like retribution, or get me back like back together. Honestly, both are equally as horrifying.

So when my 6 year old woke me up that was it for me sleep wise. I did get some killer snuggles though, and she went right back to sleep. The rest of my time has been spent thinking (obsessing) about the things I need to get done today, and what excuses I can use to not do them. You know, put them off until it becomes an emergency type thing, then run around like a chaotic mess doing everything. Proclaim my day has been so productive because I got 15 things done, when in reality, I could have just done one of them every day for the last 2 weeks, and NOT made myself insane. But where is the fun in that I ask you….nowhere.

Of course, on a day like today, by noon my brain will be mush, and I will be lucky if I remember my name let alone get things accomplished. Oh yeah, and today is a random early release day, so my youngest gets out of school at 1pm. Hmm, what are the odds I will remember that without a reminder? And cue the dog crying to go out again…

Life is a many splendored thing, who said that anyway? I have no clue, but I want to be that person in the yoga memes you see, doing yoga at sunrise on the beach, with a kick-ass toned body, not a hair out of place, and a huge smile on their face. I bet they don’t have kids though. I mean I can’t even pee alone, let alone have all that without a child needing something, or arguing with another child, or some event that requires parental involvement. And now the dog wants to eat…he really is just another child.

Someone pass the coffee….

Teenagers….

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So getting right back into things, I need to vent about my 15 year old. What the actual hell is wrong with teenagers? Was I like this to my mother? UGH! My daughter forgot to take her meds this morning. She texted me about it, to which I asked if she wanted me to bring them to her after dropping off my youngest. She said, “Yes, por favor.” Yes, my very caucasian daughter speaks to me in Spanglish, she’s fun. Anywho, I dropped off the youngest and ran home to grab the meds.

The moment I walk in the door, my 15 year old’s dog starts howling from his crate because YAY! GRANDMA IS HOME….Grandma…yeah. I grab the meds, change my hoodie to another hoodie, because it was more presentable. I did not want to walk into the high school with a hoodie that is 5 sizes too large because my daughter would look at me like I had 5 heads. No worries though, because I threw on my coffee hoodie, grabbed the meds, and the howling moron dog, and ran out the door. I let the dog pee, and herd him into the car. He is 50 pounds, and only 4 months old. Yes, let that soak in. He is half Great Dane and half Lab. Four months old, 50 pounds. Yeah.

I arrive at the school and grab my driver’s license, the medications, keys and my phone. I get buzzed into the front door, and check-in at the office. They have to scan my license and give me a sticker to wear as a visitor’s pass. Next, I have to go over to the clinic and wait for my daughter. On my way the bell rang, and all of a sudden the previously empty hall was FILLED with GINORMOUS teenagers. What are people feeding their children these days?!?! I don’t think one of them was my height, or shorter. did my best to bob and weave through the masses, and duck into the clinic. The nurse lets me know my daughter is on her way.

Here she comes, my amazing kid. She is gorgeous, smart, funny, and athletic. She is everything I always wished I could be, and through all the shit she has endured through her life, she still keeps it all together. She is my hero in so many ways. I showed her the three bottles I brought. She tells me she only needs the one and she will take the others when she gets home. My hero then proceeds to brush me off, and run out the door barely even saying two words, and no, those words were not THANK YOU.

I left the building kind of in a stupor. While this may not seem like much to many parents, it is to me. We have been through a great deal, and I dropped everything to bring her the meds, WHICH SHE FORGOT. I practiced deep breathing all the way home. I am still deep breathing 2 hours later. I have counted to 1,328. I am not angry, but I feel disappointed, because my kid knows better. I guess I will say something to her after she gets home from practice.

I get that teenagers want to pretend they were hatched from eggs and do not have parents. I have been there, but still, I feel like this is an instance where all I wanted was common courtesy. Maybe next time I will leave on the 5 sizes too large hoodie, and put some holes in my pants, and wear mismatched shoes, skip brushing my hair. We shall see, or she will just remember to always take her meds before she leaves for school.

A Road Divided…

I have used this platform as a way of facing my own demons, which has been okay, but I want to use the Coffee Mama Says outlet for so much more than a self-growth journey. This place was never meant to stand as a representation of my struggle, and eventually my triumph. Coffee Mama is a foul-mouthed, sometimes hot-headed, introspective, emotional, intelligent, hot mess of a woman. She is a coffee-loving mom who struggles with parenting three girls, and two dogs. She is a fun-loving, silly woman who always finds humor, even in the darkest of situations she has faced.

I have started another blog, The Road Less Traumatized. It is there that I will share my healing, and growth while I face my Complex-PTSD. Here, I will be returning to my fun, silly, sometimes serious ways of facing any and every situation in life that a coffee loving mother faces. I thank those who stick with me, while I figure it all out. I will be diligently adding content to both sites, but it will be very different content. I may also transfer many of the posts here to the other site, as they are more pertinent over there.

I have been doing a great deal of introspection, and I have come to realize, I may never figure out what I want to be when I grow up…because perhaps I am not meant to be just one thing. I want to expand my horizons, and I do not want to be tied to one area my whole life. I will spread my eggs into various baskets, and do my best to tend to them all.

That being said, let’s grab a cup of coffee!!